Essentials Blue Fall 08′: Insecurity

For: The Institute Of Contemporary And Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen’s University, Essentials Blue Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt 

Well…. I have to admit since I have started a new class called Essentials Blue offered at SSU in New Brunswick insecurity has been the theme and rage of life.  It is amazing to be a part of a group of influencers and creative worshippers that are so seasoned in their craft.  I feel honored and scared all at the same time.  A great worshipper told me once that “comparison leads to death”.  I see why she says such things as I read others posts and blogs and think ” I only wish my brain was that creative or my words were that powerful”.  Am I the only one that feels this way?  That should not be the focus of these 5 precious weeks that we have together learning more about our Father. 

God has brought us together as people called to lead others in worship.  As we have learned in this first week, that looks very different from person to person.  I am challenged by the idea of the “worship artisan” (Dan Wilt) and reflecting on the past while being intentional in the present in order to impact the future.  WOW!  I want to be an artisan.  Also, N.T. Wright has once again discussed ideas that reach to the depths of my soul and cause an aching and longing to go deeper.  It is refreshing and hard to be reminded of the responsibility that we have as worship leaders to be correct in our theology because people remember the songs they sing long after the fact when compared to the sermons they hear (Brenton Brown).  

I am both coming out of my skin with excitement for what new knowledge and encounter the Lord will meet me with, but also have a sense of wanting to shrink back into my shell (like a scared turtle) for fear that I am not “good enough” or “called enough” to play a part in the influencing of worship.  I must bring to light though that something deep within me pierces to my heart like a scalpel in a velvet glove, saying “You were made for more”.  

Maybe someone that reads this can identify or maybe I am a lone-ranger!  I sure hope not